I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
