she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
