just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
