the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
