I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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