Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
