the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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