How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
