Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize