as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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