bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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