you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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