when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
