Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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