I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
