i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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