my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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