YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Nicole vs. Life
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
