It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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