Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Randomize
