Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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