If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So vagazzling was a success
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
