You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
