I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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