their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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