oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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