Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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