I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
