It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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