I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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