i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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