So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
