I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
