Sry I called you an 8
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
