dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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