I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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