Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
