I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
