So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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