Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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