I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
