We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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