I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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