So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
