i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
