she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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