Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
