I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
