She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
