I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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