Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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