Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
