If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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