if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
