I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
