This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
