thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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