Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
