Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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