toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
They have beer where we have blood.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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