You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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