Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
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