i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
