cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize