Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Dignity is for republicans.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
