i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
