Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
