If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
