Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
