I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
