I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
my shit smells like andre
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
