He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
