This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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