Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
