youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
That's when you crack a 10am beer
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
